Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
