i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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