Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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