I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
