what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
