He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
