I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize