Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
