i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
