i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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