Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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