I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
