You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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