I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
