Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
