Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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