Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He better not be in your backpack
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
