For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We left the knife in your bed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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