hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
