"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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