i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
