Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
