Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
