if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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