i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
