some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
