I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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