how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
