Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I touched a dick in church today
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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