chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the day after is always just damage control
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
