he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
