I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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