So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Randomize
