From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
