Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want to make out with him forever
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
