Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
