What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
