it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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