proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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