It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
