I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
