Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pooping to opera.
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