I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
