Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
