You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
