my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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