do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
