did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize
