i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
