Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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