One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
