How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
