Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
