Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
