Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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