Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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