Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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