dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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