i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
