I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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