after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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