hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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