So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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