I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
