it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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