I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My life is pants optional.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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