Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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