The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize