I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
