Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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