Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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