Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
