When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
