I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
