before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
