Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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