i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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