I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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